Kim Jong Il speaks at FIU during his first trip to America
News
By Darron Collettemen
As you may know North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il came to America for the first time several weeks ago. His five city stops have included: Los Angeles California, Roswell New Mexico, Kim Colorado, New York New York and Miami Florida.
Kim’s trip has caused many raised eyebrows in the global community already. When he arrived in Los Angeles Kim decided to visit the Universal Studios movie lot. Once there Kim demanded that he have a guest role in James Bond and the Silver Dagger and be allowed to direct for the day.
“It was never intended for this to happen.” said director Ridley Scott “I don’t think anyone in the cast has done a Korean western musical before, but the cast did seem to step up their game after Mr. Il throw that camera at them.”
Later in LA Kim demanded to leave his hotel at 2am and reportedly wanted to do a drive by shooting in Compton. It is thought that this would be an act to show that he has no fear of the black race, or it could have been because he was able to watch boyz-n-da-hood on a local television channel.
The North Korean leader’s trip to Roswell was also memorable. Kim insisted he be introduced to the illegal aliens the southern US is known for. After repeated failed attempts to explain to Kim that this referred mostly to Mexicans his handles resorted to going to a custom shop and dressing as space aliens, this satisfied Kim.
In the tiny town of Kim Colorado Kim declared himself to be the new town leader, mayor and messiah and demeaned he be allowed to procreate with all the towns women, so that there offspring could one day rule the US. One woman accepted, met with Kim and has not been seen since.
Kim went to New York to speak in front of the UN and get a tour of the city. In front of the UN delegation Kim gave a speech where he stated that North Korea would be willing to end its nuclear program if the countries sitting on the security council would be willing to lift all sanctions on his country. Kim was quite during his trip to NYC, but things would change when he arrived the next day in Miami.
The Korean dictator arrived at the FIU campus drunk and very angry about a incident in the lobby of his hotel. Apparently a bell hop who did not know who Kim was greeted him in Spanish and said “Good mourning sir, have a good day.” Unfortunately the way you say “Asshole, I did your mother” in Korean and what the bell hop said in Spanish sound very much alike.
FIU was prepared to welcome Kim and introduce him to members of the international relations department, but when Kim arrived he was still very upset and carrying a bottle of Hennessey in one hand and a briefcase in the other. Kim quickly went to work setting up a presentation he had prepared, but played the wrong DVD. As a result Kim gave the following short lecture while Korean pornography was shown on a projected screen behind him.
“American is evil wolves! But mighty North Korea wants to align with beast nation to rule world! We must make South Korea into our whores for 1,000 years! China and Russia must surrender now or else I will stop directing amazing movies! Japan must build North Korea huge super computers and roller coasters or we almost bomb them again! I will now leave; my bulletproof train is awaiting me!”
Kim then left the US from Miami International Airport. According to US officials Kim may not be allowed back in the country.
