On-campus Sasquatch Sightings
Feature
By Darron Collettemen
We have all heard the tales of the existence of creatures like the Sasquatch (a.k.a. Bigfoot) in North America, the Yeti in Asia and, of course, Gigantipithicus which really did exist a very long time ago. However, it seems that a similar creature may be living somewhere on the FIU campus.
The first sighting came in 1967 when a student named Eric Jones claimed to have seen a large ape walking upright near the tree line that then separated the baseball diamond from the wooded area of the campus. These claims where later dismissed when Jones was expelled for possession of LSD and certain types of mushrooms. Jones claimed that he was not high when he saw the creature and that, if he had been, it would have been a purple giraffe that could tap-dance.
A few more sightings were reported in the 70’s, but not till 1983 was there what the zoological community would consider a highly legitimate sighting of an ape-like creature on the FIU campus.
On a December evening, International Relations Professor Timo Natda was walking with one of his students discussing an exam when they noticed movement in some nearby trees. When they turned, they found themselves about10 yards from the creature. According to Prof. Natda, the creature was eating leaves from an umbrella tree and grunting frequently. The description Natda and his student gave were consistent with a cousin of Bigfoot known as the Skunk Ape, which has been spotted numerous times in the Everglades.
Another more disturbing sighting came in 1991 when a night watchman heard a faint noise. As he followed the noise, it grew louder and soon was recognizable as grunting. When the night watchman shined his flashlight on the creature he was shocked to see that it was satisfying itself.
In 1998, tracks were found on the outskirts of the campus wildlife preserve. Molds were made and sent for analysis. The findings were inconclusive, but they were consistent with molds taken from other large ape sightings.
The creature was unintentionally filmed for the first time in 2003 when he was caught in the background of several photos taken by a group of students. The creature in the photo matched familiar traits described by witnesses. Visible were its extreme height, brownish black coat, and the creature was masturbating… again.
A year later the most shocking incident was reported. It seems the creature snuck into a classroom and fell asleep under a desk in the back of a class. Early the next morning an economics class started to fill the room with the creature still inside. Several students complained of a unusual, bad odor in the room, like diapers mixed with burned rubber.
Not until the class was in progress did a student spot the creature (still asleep) under the desk. At once there was a panic in the room and the screams of some students woke the creature up. Once awake it sat up and looked around the room. It actually seemed undaunted by a roomful of people. The creature has since continued to attend the class and is about a C+ student, majoring in history.
